Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
