were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
