just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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