peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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