He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
