Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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