The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
