i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
