Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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