it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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