u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
