It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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You took a bar mat shot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think my cat just said my name.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize