You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
