JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
