Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
