I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
