Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
