Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
