There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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