I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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