I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
