i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
