Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
