Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up under a house in Key West
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