Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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