i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
