Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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