Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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