the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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