You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
