So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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