i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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