It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
