If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
