so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He better not be in your backpack
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
