you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
