weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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