do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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