spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
