I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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