I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
