He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
