i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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