Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
