I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
