Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
