My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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