yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
