sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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