So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
