i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
