Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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