never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
