He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
