Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize