I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
