Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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