I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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