I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
