Don't you send me to vm
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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