Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize