I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
