It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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