he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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