my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
