we're blogging at a bar
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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