i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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