My Higher Power is John Stamos
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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