that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
