Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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