i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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