did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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