I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
