I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
