I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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