why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
