Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
