The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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