smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
that may or may not have been my penis.
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